Thursday, December 8, 2011

Today is Thursday, December 8th. I was at home all day with Liv, and realized that I was trying to keep this busy little bee (6 month old) happy so that I could scurry around and clean, and clean, then clean some more. She felt frustrated and I could tell that if she could use her words she would say mommy, I just want you to get down on the floor and be with me. Sometimes I get so over this never ending ride of cleaning, laundry, bills, what's for dinner whats for lunch, time for bed. Sometimes I get the feeling that we are robots, living in this society that tells us to go go go all of the time. Even Christmas now is a huge list of to do's that make you feel like you are never doing enough. I watched a Target commercial today that showed a bunch of people separately doing things and crossing them off of their mile long list while saying "done". It made me tired just watching it and I looked over at the sink and the morning breakfast dishes, and then down at my daughter who was looking up at me with needy eyes. I am a human being, not a human doing. Yes, of course I will do things, this grind is part of life. But what I don't want to do is get so caught up in the go go going that I forget to be, to stop and be. I feel like so many people have bought into the idea that the more you do, the more you have, the more accomplished you feel. Pete, my husband, just recently gifted me with some money to go shopping. Really sweet. After the money was gone, and I had things, I found myself wanting more things. I got sick of my things really fast. Now that I have more things, where do I have to go in my things? I mean, am I really gonna go anywhere where these things are gonna make me feel better? I'm not trying to sound like a pessimist, although I know I can be one at times. I think having Liv makes me re-evaluate often. Because the thing I never ever will grow tired of is time with her, quality time with my family, being with friends, yes enjoying the holidays, but not feeling guilty if I don't have all the decorations up by December 8th. Pete's birthday is December 5th, and he wants to make it known to me that we will celebrate his birthday before we decorate for Christmas! And yeah, we should! It is his birthday afterall, and what's the big deal in waiting one more week to decorate? I'm sitting here with cookies and a glass of milk, it is 5:50 pm, Pete gets off at 6, and tonight we are going to get our tree. What i'm excited about this year is experiencing Livs first Christmas. She is growing so much. There's nothing I would rather be doing then being her mommy.

Friday, September 30, 2011

4 months old, and Autumn in the city

My sister is great at reminding me that I need to write another post...
Crazy how time gets away from many things I constantly have swirling in my noggin of all that I should do or need to get done. (blogging being one of them) There is always another load of laundry, another bag to pack or unpack, it feels like we are always on the go, or the complete opposite, hangin in the loft for little peanut to have some good down time, just her daddy and i. I know the times we are living now are ones that I will wish for again come 5 years from now. There is always a part of me that is nostalgic for the past. And these moments with Liv as a baby girl will be one of those times in life I will wish for again in the future. So for now, while I have her little, I'm reminded to enjoy where we are RIGHT now, hold her a little longer, enjoy every minute with her even in the wee hours of the night when she's waking up a little extra because of teething, and kiss her tiny little soft cheeks a few extra times a day. (this little girl gets kissed A LOT). I'm okay with letting the laundry wait sometimes at this season in my life. Or else I need to stay up a couple extra hours a night to get these household things done...
Life flies by, on Sunday October 2nd she will be 4 months old. There is so much change in her that takes place weekly, daily even. She becomes more aware of her surroundings every single day. She loves pulling and grabbing her hanging toys and ends up getting pretty frustrated with them I think because she's waiting to hear them talk to her... She grabs things I put in front of her and puts them directly into her mouth, she's a little drool queen right now, but quite the talker and the fusser at certain times of the day. Also, blowing bubbles and spitting at me is her way of having conversation with me. It's the cutest thing and it makes me laugh. Definitely my fault since i've been doing that to her since day one. She's so smiley in the morning, and the best part about this past month is hearing her giggle for the first time. It usually happens when I startle her and say peek-a-boo, or peek my head over her crib after she's been playing with her furry friends...What can I say, I'm completely in love and obsessed with my daughter. We took her to her first Giants game at the beginning of September, and sadly they lost but we had a lot of fun. She stared at me the whole time from her Ergo seat and it cracked us up. I was wearing a hat and I think she was pretty curious about it. We took her to Santa Cruz this past weekend and she had her first experience on the beach and I think she quite liked it. ( :
We're so in love with her. She's the best thing that has EVER happened to us. As crazy as it may sound, Pete and I talk about having a big family and already somewhat planning on our next babe. Obviously we want to wait a little while and enjoy our time with Liv, but part of me would love to just grow our family quickly over the next 5 years. Pregnant next fall? Maybe just maybe....I love it that we have friends and cousins who are talking about starting their families soon too. Exciting times...
Pete is currently looking into a business opportunity in the foothills, which would take us out of the city and closer to my family. I think we would look at living in Nevada city/Grass Valley area if this business opportunity goes through. Right now its all in the works, and beginning stages but we shall see what happens. Never really imagined myself in that area, but you never know what life has in store... For now we are enjoying this beautiful Autumn weather in the city, taking lots of walk in the Marina, and hikes in Marin. I finally sent in my check for state board so I should be a licensed esthetician in the next few months after passing my test. I'm so excited for the upcoming holiday season, the Fall decor is out and the Halloween costume is in the works.
So much to look forward to but most importantly enjoying the moments RIGHT now, and the season we are in RIGHT now, watching Liv grow and seeing our relationship with one another grow and mature as well. All we have is right now...and learning to live in the moment is a great thing to get ahold of...

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

2 Months old today...

I can't even remember life without you in it...
What did I do? What did I think about? What was so important?
Obviously there were things that were important, and things that took up my time...
But nothing like the heart full of love and purpose I have experienced in the past 2 months having you as my baby girl...

You are 2 months today,
Already growing so much.

At 6 weeks the doctor couldn't believe how alert and "with it" you were.
He told me that you were a smart one and that you could easily have me wrapped around your finger in no time....done.
He showed me how your little legs were already strong and sturdy by bouncing them off of his hand.
He weighed you and measured you and you've grown two inches in height and gained 4 pounds. He reassured me you were getting plenty to eat, warning me not to over feed because it would take its toll on my body.
You got a shot that day in your upper thigh and you cried pretty hard, broke my heart.
You are starting a routine, you wake up to eat at 5 am, then back up at 7...and your tired for your morning nap at 8:30. Usually i will curl up next to you and we'll snooze together in your boppy (one of your favorite spots) I quietly sneak away to get some things done around the house but look over to check on your cute little face quite often. On some days, when i'm extra sleepy i will stay and nap with you the whole time...but thats only for you and I to know about. ( ;

You're talking more and more and when you really want to say something you kick your arms and legs really fast, trying to work up the energy to get it out. The past two weekends we have gone up to Meadowood and daddy and I take you on a hike up the trail. I'm a little afraid the whole time because there is a sign warning about mountain lions. "hike at your own risk" Ahhh!! Good thing we have Baron with us to lead the way and scare off any critters. You sleep in the ergo the whole time and then wake toward the last stretch of the trail. One of your favorite things to do and one of my favorite things to watch you do is look up at the sky and the tall trees. I can see your little brain working in wonder taking all of these new sights in. You're following things with your eyes including a bird that flew over head the other day. You also love music. We sing songs all day and you fall asleep at night to a lullaby album.

It may seem silly to write all of this down, But I want to remember all of it. Time flies so quickly, and I have the worst memory./ : It's time to get some sleep now, it's getting late...This weekend we are heading up to Tahoe for a few days and then off to Yuba we go to spend a week there. Nana and Papa and all your cousins will be so happy to see you. You are so loved little girl. Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My lil Drama Queen...

Cute when she cries

Liv's first 4th of July in Lahontan Truckee

Poolside nap time with the cousins, Truckee

Emma was in a play this Summer. She was such a good little actress and her pretty little face shined on stage!! I had a smile the whole time.

Ella (7) and Avery (5) both just celebrated Birthdays this month! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!! I love you SOOOO much!!! I can't believe how big and beautiful they are, and how quickly time has flown by...

A 6 mile walk around the city (Haight and Ashbury)

Sean and Changa's beautiful wedding June 3rd

Our "night out" costume party.

My sweet little Liv.

Mommy loves you so much.

There's so much to write about. Things are changing around here every day. I've been finding it hard to find time to sit down and blog. Liv is awake a lot more these days, slowly growing out of that very newborn stage. She is 7 weeks tomorrow and becoming so much more aware of her surroundings everyday. As I write this she is asleep in the ergo with her head on my chest. I'm LOVING this Ergo, it's a front pack that fits her securely and allows me to get some things done. Not to mention if she is fussy I will put her in, bounce around and she will fall asleep within a minute. (Thanks Jackie and Lindsay) It's so true what they say about newborns wanting to still be close to mommy. I will be sad when these days pass. Already she is past the days of wanting to lay still on my chest. It's the cutest thing how her head bobbles back and forth. She has discovered that there is so much to see. It's like the world around her just opened up for her in the past 2 weeks and she received her eyes to take it all in. I love the connections she is making with everyone who loves her. Last week in Yuba, we had our first conversation back and forth and i got it on video which is at the bottom of this post. (please excuse my annoying baby talking voice) She has also definitely discovered her voice and knows exactly how to get our attention. This little girl has got a set of lungs on her and this past week she received a new nickname hence the title of this post. I can't help but take pictures when she cries, and I find myself laughing a little when she wails, only because I think she looks really cute and I can tell she's got some spice in her. It's amazing how much of her personnality I can already see. She likes to be heard, she knows what she wants, she loves to play, she's extremely curious, she loves music, she's very keen and aware of her surroundings, and she loves to be paid attention to. And she's affectionate and oh so cuddly. I love everything about this little drama queen.
Already so many places we have been since she was born; 2 weddings, Tahoe for the 4th of July, a weekend in Meadowood, A week in Yuba, and all around to meet all of her baby friends. She was so happy to return home on Saturday and it was really evident that she knew we were in her safe familiar home. Nana and Papa came back to the city with me to watch her that night so Pete and I could go out for a friends 30th birthday. It was a costume party (thrown together costume) where we drove a trolley on wheels all around the city. While it was a lot of fun, I of course called every hour to check on her and nana did such a good job at making us feel comfortable to enjoy ourselves. Still, we made our own trolley stop and got off to head home to our baby at around 11:30. I love the feeling of having such a wonderful love and partner in Pete, where we are on the same page to get home to our little family. It's been so nice enjoying our loft after months of renovating. We spend our evenings making dinner, adoring Liv, and sometimes getting a movie in. We feel so blessed with so many people who already love Liv and shower her with their affections. This is one loved little girl...

(Posting this a week late...tomorrow she will be 8 weeks!! Which calls for another post)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Me and Liv

I was practicing applying fake eyelashes for state board. ( :

Our first shopping trip together.

Olivia is 5 weeks old today...I'm so enjoying watching her grow and become much more alert everyday. She insists on watching me from her car seat everywhere we go, and her eyes rarely leave mine. Sometimes I wonder if I'm creating a little bit of a drama queen as she's learning quickly that I will respond quickly to her crying, and wow can she cry!!! It's a really hard thing to just let her cry. Everyone has different opinions but I mostly read that in the first few months, ignoring them while crying isn't teaching any lessons. When she cries I think she's letting me know that she wants to be close, and she has had enough independent time. And I'm okay with that. I want to cherish this time that she is little and fits so snug in my arms. She's doing so well sleeping in her own bed (right next to my bed) at night. She also loves being outside. I'm so excited to learn more and more about her little personality. She's really sweet. She already smiles a lot, when she's tired she cries her hardest. Just thinking of her little face while she's upstairs asleep makes me want to wake her up and kiss her cheeks. A few pictures of us together. We lay in bed a lot together. ( : Today we had a coffee date at the corner coffee shop and she was so content just sitting in my arms while I ate. I'm so content doing nothing but being her mommy everyday.
A few of her nicknames: Livvy, Livvy-Lou, Livvy Love, Livvy Lou-who. I'm sure there will be many more along the way.

I LOVE thsi picture of us in bed together.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Olivia Love Stocker

Was born on June 2nd, 2011 at 3:37 am on a Thursday morning in Yuba City California. Today on June 30th, she is 4 weeks old.
Everyday I fall more and more in love with this beautiful little Livvy Lou Who. After a few weeks of adjusting to this new little addition and having lots of visitors I think it's time to write about her birth and entrance into this big world and start documenting all of her fun experiences and adventures
I'm so excited to document your little life, as you grow and learn, and as we celebrate all of your birthdays and holidays, and also just the normal days where I get to be home with you one on one teaching you, and watching you experience things for the first time... and excitedly awaiting daddy's arrival from work each night. Right now as I write this, you are lying on my chest asleep, your favorite place to take a nap. I'm kind of convinced that you're going to be a daddy's girl. His big strong arms and the nape of his neck are your safest haven and his calm demeanor and deep voice can sooth you in your most dramatic cry. Both of us are so completely in love with you. We spend a lot of time just staring at you and doading over all your little movements and faces. Daddys favorite thing is when you stretch out all your limbs in the morning and make all the cute squeaky noises. So far you're such a great sleeper at night, and you wake up only one to two times to eat, burp, poop, then back to sleep you go!!
I'm always hearing moms say they don't remember their kids being this little. I can already see how quickly you're growing and changing. I sit here with you Livvy and try my best to soak up these special moments. I want to concrete them in my mind in hopes that I can remember you this little. I think it's easy to get in survival mode in these first few weeks. Especially being a new mom. I have asked myself a few times, wow what did I do with my time before I was a mom? But now my time feels like it has purpose. My heart is full of love for you, and sometimes I'm struck and overwhelmed with the realization that you belong to us, and you're not just here for a visit. We get you for keeps! You are the most important gift I have ever received and I cherish you. I was amazed and will always remember experiencing the "mama bear" feeling that came over me so strongly in the first week. I would do ANYTHING to protect you, and the littlest things made me cry, like when you scratched your face the first time (obviously some hormones involved) Suddenly I was driving like a grandma, and watching closely in my rear view mirror regulating and telling people off who were driving too close behind. It's a little overwhelming being responsible for a life so little and fragile. I hardly slept the first week. I preferred watching your every breath and making sure you were comfortable and breathing perfectly. I know now why my mom has always been concerned for my well being. This is being a mommy. Things I want to remember about you now.....
I was in labor with you for 12 hours and pushed for an hour and 15 minutes, starting at 2:22 a.m.
You were 7 lbs 13 oz and 20.5 inches long.
You arrived right on your due date, the day after Uncle Josh's birthday and it was a Thursday morning.
The day you were born Yuba had tornado warnings and some family members actually saw a tornado touch down in live oak!
The people at the hospital to welcome you were mommy and daddy nana and papa aunt Andrea and aunt Heather.
You were so alert and aware of your surroundings from the very start. You recognized both of our voices and you even held your head up to try and look at us.
You are so stong. Nana came to stay with us to help the first week and she said she had never seen a newborn so alert and wide eyed.
You came out sucking and ready to eat, and latched on right away to feed, such a special moment for mommy.
You love your hands and use them to soothe yourself. You even did that in the womb. When we got your 3D ultra sound you had your hands near your face almost the whole time.
When you were just 9 days old, we took you to our best friends wedding, Jessaca and Billy. I was so worried about you the whole time, but you were such a good girl...
All of your cousins love you and Sophie couldnt wait to get her hands on you. Once she got ahold of you she didnt want to let go. I have a feeling you two will be buddies.
Everyone says you look a lot like daddy. Your hair is starting to get lighter and when it's wet it gets a bit wavy. You may just have blonde curls like your daddy did.
The moment you were placed on my chest, i was so overwhelmed with love for you. My love for you grows more everyday!!
You smile in you sleep and dream all of the time and you've even smiled at me a few times awake. i dont think its gas...
So many people love and pray for you already. Your life is blessed. I named you Olivia Love, not only because I love the name Liv, but also because I want you to live a life full of love. 'The Greatest of these is Love'. I can already tell you're gonna be a little lover, you're so so sweet.
My favorite story to remember is the first full night in the hospital I was so tired after being up all night the previous night and visitors that whole day. Andrea, Maggie's older sister said she was happy to take you into the nursery so I could rest, so I fed you and they took you into the nursery (I felt so sad and reluctant to let you go) but just 2 hours later they returned you to my room saying you were hungry and had been crying in the nursery. I was suprised that you would be hungry already, but they laid you next to me and you stopped crying, but you didnt want to eat. Silly me called the nurse back in and told her you didnt want to eat, so she took you back to the nursery. Only an hour later she wheeled you back in and said she really is hungry. Once more you were not interested in the boob, but you were so still and content laying next to me. It was then that it hit me, I was your mommy and you wanted me. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that you needed to be close to me. You knew me. After carrying you inside of me for 9 months, you wanted to remain close. A feeling I had never experienced, being a mommy. I'm so happy to be your mommy.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Sunday afternoon Baby Shower

This past Sunday was my baby shower, kindly thrown by my sister and my mom at my sisters was wonderful to see so many faces that I haven't for a long time. It was perfect weather, and great company, and I was definitely "showered" with so many amazing gifts for this baby girl. I felt very loved, which is always a good feeling. ( : This morning Pete and I unloaded the trunk and now have a couch covered in pink frilly goodness. Now the biggest challenge lies in trying to find a place for everything. I'm so anxious for that day, hopefully soon, when the loft is done and ready and I can feel prepared to have this baby arrive anyday. For the most part on my days off, when I dont go to school, I take it easy. But this morning I took a long trip to Ikea where I met my wonderful sister in law who is taking on this loft project with me to help us get it complete. She is an architectural designer and it helps so much to have her input. My pregnancy brain doesn't allow me to make decisions very well and I would like to be Mary Poppins, snap my fingers and have it be done. When usually, I love the creative process in making something come together....once I was done walking around getting ideas and taking pictures to show Pete, I bought a HUGE $1 cinnamon roll and VERY slowly walked back to my car. I think I overstayed my welcome. My lower back and body were yelling at me to get home.

Anyway, more on the loft later, back to baby shower...the morning of, I took my niece Emma to Forever 21 with me to figure out something to wear for the shower. It was so cute the way she thoughtfully helped me pick something and how much even her 8 year old advice helped. "This Large looks a little big around the waist Emma, do you think I should get a medium?" "Well i think it would be a good idea to get a large so you'll be able to grow into it and wear it your whole pregnancy"....uhhh wow!! Thanks!! You totally talked me into the large. I just love my nieces so much and want to be apart of their lives as they grow and mature and become their own wonderful persons. I already love each of their own unique personnalities. I LOVE it that my little girl has some lovely young ladies to look up to as role models. We are really really blessed, and SO appreciative of everyone who joined us and showered us with your gifts, but mostly your presence. And Thank you a million times mom and sister for all your love and hard work you put in. It was perfect!!


Monday, April 11, 2011


32 weeks

Bad planning on our part...We tore out the kitchen appliances to do the hardwood floors...only now we don't have a kitchen...until next week. And I'm STARVING!! What am i supposed to eat?!? We have a refrigerator that needs food, and a toaster. I'm tired of Eggo waffles and yogurt (well actually I ate them all) Pete is at work and now i'm on my 4th pretzel stick, the really long and fat ones, and my mouth is feeling a little dry. Only, being 32 weeks pregnant, the motivation to get my butt up and go to the store is lacking something fierce, even if the corner market is 100 yards away. Pathetic I know.
I have been really spoiled in this pregnancy. A husband who loves to serve me and cook, and nothing major as far as sickness or back ache. But I get now what women mean when in the "final stretch" they are ready to be done being pregnant. I'm not quite to the point where I'm screaming get this baby out of me but i'm not gonna lie, there are a few annoyances that come with having a ball attached to your front middle at all times...
For one, im a stomach sleeper, and I wake up ten times a night and look at my husband with envy as he sleeps comfortably on his stomach, one foot off the bed, just how I like it.
I find going pee 8 times a night pretty annoying too, especially when you sit down and a tinkle tinkle comes out like i'm 2.
I am excited to have a normal sex life back, or any sex life at all for that matter.
Everything has stretched and added an extra layer and changed color. Will it all look normal again?
My face feels swollen all of the time, and in addition this wonderful sunshine has given me a nice little mustache that i've never had before, no matter what ammount of sunscreen I put on. (I know its a common thing called pregnancy mask caused by hormones) Does this all sound vain? yes!! I realize it!! But...
With all that said, I am SOOOO excited and thankful that this little one is growing healthy inside of me. No ammount of discomfort will compare to what it feels like to see her for the first time and realize that my body made her!!!! It's really really amazing!!! I have so many pregnant friends who say the same thing, "not to sound selfish, but i'm just ready to have this baby on the outside of my belly and have my body back." I think its pretty stinkin normal to feel that way. It's CRAZINESS the way everything changes and all the adjustments women have to make. And the men stand by and watch, and still drink their beer, and Pete laughs at me as I grunt loudly from being kicked in the ribs by this little mover and shaker. It's all fun, all an experience and all one that will be wrapping up within the next month and a half. I have SO much to do and SO little time!!! I'm really looking forward to my baby shower this upcoming weekend, hosted by my mom and sister in Yuba much to look forward to...

Monday, March 21, 2011



Just spent an amazing weekend with my man in Meadowood, St. Helena.
We want to take advantage of these days off together as much as we can before the baby arrives.
Pete's moms house is the perfect get away spot, and we love spending time with her. No better time to do it then
a rainy weekend with "predictions" of an earthquake "somewhere in California" ahem San Francisco perhaps? I was a little anxious on Saturday night after getting home from school, alone in the loft, pouring rain outside and the dog looking at me funny, so while Pete closed the shop, I packed up an overnight bag good for 2 nights for the both of us, put the dog in the back of the car, and headed to watch him close up shop at work. I must have looked like the psycho pregnant wife showing up at his workplace before he was off, but I didnt care and I thought it felt really good to be together at such a "scary time". hahaha!! No one else was scared but me!!! But one of the cutest things about Pete is he doesnt ever get worried; he really is a man in every sense of the word, and he makes me feel so safe just being with him. And he agreed without hesitation to ease my anxiety and head up to his moms. The rain was coming down so hard that night we probably would have been safer in an earthquake then driving on the road to Napa!!

On Sunday the power went out, so we used the remainder of the battery on my laptop to watch home videos, eat eat and eat some more, journal, read and nap, while he kept the logs on the fire for the afternoon. After waking up from a 2 hour nap, I found out that the power was still out so we were gonna head down the hill to meadowood and get a room for the night. Yay!!!! It felt a little like our wedding weekend and there was a couple times I found myself wishing my family could be there with us too....I LOVE waking up to the quiet morning in Meadowood, the stillness in the crisp air and the feeling like everything is at peace. Must be why I enjoy the spa atmosphere so much too....Quite the contrary to the busy alley we live in right now in the city...horns honking, sirens sirening, people yelling, dogs barking. I think i've found i'm not a city girl...the older I get the more I want to get away somewhere quiet. Is that just me? Or do you concur?
Im thankful for moments like these to get away from the busy city and spend some quality time with Pete. I cant believe in a little over 2 months we will have a baby girl addition to our family. At times it feels like being a newlywed and pregnant at the same time has been a lot to take on all at once, but I know we're only getting stronger and we will love every minute of having this new precious baby girl in our lives...

29 weeks...