Thursday, December 8, 2011

Today is Thursday, December 8th. I was at home all day with Liv, and realized that I was trying to keep this busy little bee (6 month old) happy so that I could scurry around and clean, and clean, then clean some more. She felt frustrated and I could tell that if she could use her words she would say mommy, I just want you to get down on the floor and be with me. Sometimes I get so over this never ending ride of cleaning, laundry, bills, what's for dinner whats for lunch, time for bed. Sometimes I get the feeling that we are robots, living in this society that tells us to go go go all of the time. Even Christmas now is a huge list of to do's that make you feel like you are never doing enough. I watched a Target commercial today that showed a bunch of people separately doing things and crossing them off of their mile long list while saying "done". It made me tired just watching it and I looked over at the sink and the morning breakfast dishes, and then down at my daughter who was looking up at me with needy eyes. I am a human being, not a human doing. Yes, of course I will do things, this grind is part of life. But what I don't want to do is get so caught up in the go go going that I forget to be, to stop and be. I feel like so many people have bought into the idea that the more you do, the more you have, the more accomplished you feel. Pete, my husband, just recently gifted me with some money to go shopping. Really sweet. After the money was gone, and I had things, I found myself wanting more things. I got sick of my things really fast. Now that I have more things, where do I have to go in my things? I mean, am I really gonna go anywhere where these things are gonna make me feel better? I'm not trying to sound like a pessimist, although I know I can be one at times. I think having Liv makes me re-evaluate often. Because the thing I never ever will grow tired of is time with her, quality time with my family, being with friends, yes enjoying the holidays, but not feeling guilty if I don't have all the decorations up by December 8th. Pete's birthday is December 5th, and he wants to make it known to me that we will celebrate his birthday before we decorate for Christmas! And yeah, we should! It is his birthday afterall, and what's the big deal in waiting one more week to decorate? I'm sitting here with cookies and a glass of milk, it is 5:50 pm, Pete gets off at 6, and tonight we are going to get our tree. What i'm excited about this year is experiencing Livs first Christmas. She is growing so much. There's nothing I would rather be doing then being her mommy.

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